|
1. |
|
|
|
|
CLIMATE CHANGE
They say stop climate change
Before it stops us
We need to think about it right away
If we want to keep the worst of the effects at bay
Stop climate change
Before it stops us
If we don’t put a plan in play
We’re gonna get caught off guard some day
Stop climate change
Before it stops us
We need to get on top of this without delay
If not we’ll leave the future with a price to pay
Stop climate change
Before it stops us
We’ll soon reach a tipping point
Where there’s no turning back
It gets to where the changes pile on top of
One another, so fast we can’t keep track
We ought to try to clean the atmosphere
To help the ecosystem thrive
If our carbon footprint stomps out plant life
Less people and creatures will survive
Greenhouse emissions poked a hole in the ozone layer
The polar ice cap had to take the heat
We cloned the wooly mammoth
Just to give, the homeless more to eat
They used to call it global warming
Until one day we realized
The warming also causes cooling that we object to
Happening, right before your eyes
Oceans swallow coastal cities
Fires ravage inland valleys
Milling throngs flood the prairie
Dogs forage in the alleys
It’s easy to fix this
We know what to do
World leaders have opted
To leave the whole response to you
Stop eating steak, stop eating cake
Stop hunting deer, stop drinking beer
Stop roasting lamb, stop broiling ham
Stop baking clam, stop canning yam
Stop driving cars, stop smoking cigars
Stop cutting down trees, stop killing off bees
Stop hammering, stop sawing
Stop hemming, stop hawing
One day the world will know
We did not meet our goal
People will want to take off for anywhere
And there will be no place to go
Oh yeah
There will be no place to go
Nowhere
There will be no place to go
One more time
There will be no place to go
Two more times
|
|
2. |
|
|
|
|
TRUCK DRIVER
Let’s drink to the hard driving truckers
Who roam the countryside
Cruising the concrete corridor
To keep companies and consumers supplied
Eighteen wheels bolted to the axle
More than ten gears on the column or the floor
Try to pick up on some CB chatter
Hard to hear above the engine’s roar
I was once a truck driver
Barreling down the interstate
I carried a cargo of cartons and crates
Containers and canisters, all kinds of freight
Whenever I pulled out of my front gate
It became almost impossible to concentrate
I was never sure I had the right date
I was always worried I might be late
But if you get there early, they tell you to wait
But I guess that’s a typical trucker’s fate
So let’s drive to the hard drinking truckdri…
I mean let’s drink to the hard driving truckdrivers
Who roam the countryside
Taking their chances on wobbly bridges
To keep companies and consumers supplied
Eighteen wheels bolted to the axle
More than ten gears on the column or the floor
Try to pick up on some CB chatter
Hard to hear above the engine’s roar
When there was no more money to be made
I sold my rig for a van in trade
I’ll never forget the day I bought it
My wife was gonna leave me, she changed her mind when she saw it
Now I’m my third wife’s fourth husband
I had great fun with girls on the road
Except for one that turned out to be a bitch
With some luck I could do it again, but if not
I’ll drive myself over a cliff and down the ditch
A real truckdriver, to the end
|
|
3. |
|
|
|
|
MARS
People are planning to go to Mars
It’s taken way too long
They had to privatize space travel
In case something goes wrong
Big money is betting they make it there
And bring back what they retrieve
Nobody plans to live there
Just prospect, plunder and leave
They need to prepare for winter
The ice caps will advance and retreat
Some flowers might bloom in the springtime
A year will take two years to complete
The days will be a half hour longer
The sky will be as clear as a bell
The sun will be a tad bit smaller
The night will be darker than hell
They can visit Phobos and Deimos
And be almost weightless there
Check out the loft on a nine iron
As it wafts your ball into the air
We can’t just send only rich people
There must also be some of the poor
So when Martian society gets up and running
Diversity will be assured
They hope to get back safely
There will be no plan B
They need to tough out re-entry’
And then get fished out of the sea
I wrote this song when I was a child
After the landing on the moon
I thought the future would be wild
But all we got was doom and gloom
So let’s go to Mars this time
Put up some barracks and some tents
Go moping around with your geiger counters
To pocket some pecuniary recompense
Pick up the puppy
To pocket some pecuniary recompense
|
|
4. |
|
|
|
|
BISON OF THE PLAIN
Bison of the Plain
Great Bison
They’re trying to replace you with livestock
The stages on their trail to the west
Have no regard for your sovereignty
There had been some uncanny sounds from mineshaft number 319
The foreman made us go down there next day
Well we sent a squad to scout it out and they deployed some nitro
The bison by mistake was in the way
The foreman made us go down there that day
The bison by mistake was in the way
Great Scott! How did we get here?
Our craft I believe had been grounded
Great Scott! How did we get here?
The ogre of predestiny was upon us
Bison of the Plain
Great Bison
You’re being crowded out and stepped on
The people in their avarice for power
Have forgotten where you came from
|
|
5. |
|
|
|
|
DEBTORS’ PRISON
Life is a veritable nemesis
Here in the debtors’ prison
We work hard
19 hours in the fields each day
75 cents a week is all we get paid
Sometimes we have to eat bugs
There is never a word from outside
Even our creditors contact us no more
All the inmates hate each other
Fights would break out constantly
If anyone here had the strength to throw a punch
Progressives of the World
Hear of our plight
Some of us protest the accounts that sent us here
If we can get out we will work for brotherhood and peace
|
|
6. |
|
|
|
|
TEACHERS LOUNGE
This is a teachers lounge, we don’t serve no beer
If you’re looking for a good time, you want to get out of here
If listening to James Taylor takes away your breath
But a slight bit of Ozark banjo picking goes way beyond your depth
If the songs of Robert Johnson still give you goose bumps today
But a cowbell on the drum set would quickly drive you away
Then you have come to the right place
No one here is going to get in your face
This is a designated safe space
Where your cares will vanish without a trace
We’re racked and sacked with guilt
While our cities decay in filth
We wag our fingers and wring our hands
While greedy dictators gobble up our land
We came here to organize
But it feels better to agonize
And it pays more to demonize
In the end we had to fantasize
And by the way apologize
For who we are
For how we got here
For what was done before our time
And that the deck is stacked
Against the same people who are always left behind
I was once a teacher
I taught the smart and the dumb
The ones I could not reach
Grew up to be bums
The ones that did their homework
Landed dead end jobs
The one star student I had
Turned into a corporate snob
And I have seen popular girls
Turn into corpulent slobs!
This is a teachers lounge
We don’t serve no beer
If you’re looking for a good time
You don’t want to be here
|
|
7. |
|
|
|
|
MODERN PIONEER
Mike Patchcord was a modern day pioneer
Mike Patchcord roamed the new frontier
When Mike Patchcord was done with his quest
He had wandered the whole wild west
Which by then, however, had become somewhat tame
With ego tripping rendering personalities lame
Mike Patchcord still realized it was a giant poker game
And that no one who goes in ever comes out the same
He paired off with Cynthia when he saw her sing at a club
They stayed up all night after drinking at the pub
Now Cynth’ Patchcord plays special effects we all love
And sings harmony, like a tenth above
When ego trips rendered personalities lame
Mike Patchcord still realized it was a giant poker game
And that no one who goes in ever comes out the same
Mike Patchcord wanted to be a DJ
He had a problem remembering songs
When he called out the titles at a party
He always got it wrong
Mike Patchcord wanted to be a surfer
Although he could not swim
He just hung around near the water’s edge
And feared he might fall in
He bought himself a horse
Thinking that made him an equestrian
But when he got tossed off
It turned him back into a pedestrian
As soon as he got tossed off
He went right back to being a pedestrian
He walked for many a mile
Until his feet got sore
Then he stopped for a while
Until he could take it no more
Whatever it might entail
He had to get back on the trail
Then his balance began to fail
And he almost stepped on a snail
He tried to climb the mountain
But he got lost in the snow
He tried to send a text
But his battery was running low[Text Wrapping Break]So when the canines found him
It was already time to go
He had tried to send a text
But his battery ran low
So when the canines found him
It was already time to go
Mike Patchcord was a modern day pioneer
He was a product of the new frontier
When ego trips rendered personalities lame
Mike Patchcord still realized it was a giant poker game
And that no one who goes in ever comes out the same
Mike Patchcord knew it was all a giant poker game
And that no one who goes in ever comes out the same
And no one who goes in ever comes out the same
|
|
8. |
|
|
|
|
TRUCK DRIVER
Let’s drink to the hard driving truckers
Who roam the countryside
Cruising the concrete corridor
To keep companies and consumers supplied
Eighteen wheels bolted to the axle
More than ten gears on the column or the floor
Try to pick up on some CB chatter
Hard to hear above the engine’s roar
I was once a truck driver
Barreling down the interstate
I carried a cargo of cartons and crates
Containers and canisters, all kinds of freight
Whenever I pulled out of my front gate
It became almost impossible to concentrate
I was never sure I had the right date
I was always worried I might be late
But if you get there early, they tell you to wait
But I guess that’s a typical trucker’s fate
So let’s drive to the hard drinking truckdri…
I mean let’s drink to the hard driving truckdrivers
Who roam the countryside
Taking their chances on wobbly bridges
To keep companies and consumers supplied
Eighteen wheels bolted to the axle
More than ten gears on the column or the floor
Try to pick up on some CB chatter
Hard to hear above the engine’s roar
When there was no more money to be made
I sold my rig for a van in trade
I’ll never forget the day I bought it
My wife was gonna leave me, she changed her mind when she saw it
Now I’m my third wife’s fourth husband
I had great fun with girls on the road
Except for one that turned out to be a bitch
With some luck I could do it again, but if not
I’ll drive myself over a cliff and down the ditch
A real truckdriver, to the end
|
|
9. |
|
|
|
|
WHALE TALE
Come gather round the fireside for a bedtime tale or two
This story is too depressing, revolting and pointless to pester you
I could never have thought it, it’s unfortunately true
It was a pleasant spring morn in a Korean coastal town
The sun came up and the moon went down
The villagers and tourists were frenetically shopping
The cash registers were revenue popping
A festive scene with everyone bopping
The fishermen had caught a big gray whale
They were taking it to market in a flat bed truck
They were contemplating payday with a pint of ale
When for no apparent reason, the whale blew up
The whale blew up! The whale blew up! It could not contain its contents
The whale blew up on a flat bed truck when it was fed up with all the nonsense
It stuck to the pavement, it splashed into shops
It darkened the sky, it dusted the crops
It rose to the rooftops and dripped off like raindrops
It pelted the people and got on their laptops
Cleaning it up was the worst job in history
Having to do it made them want to solve the mystery
So they brought the scraps to the beach where they could reconstruct the whale
And they figured out it started from deep inside the whale’s entrails
From its last meal before it bit the fishermen’s bait
And sure enough the menu of fish on that whale’s plate
If left out in the spring air long enough to stagnate
Turn into compounds that are bound to detonate
And what happened perfectly matched what the experts foretold
from combustion of fermented fish propelled into the road
The whale blew up! The whale blew up! Somewhere out there there’s an orphan pup
The whale blew up on a flat bed track, if you care you can put a quarter in its cup
Now we know if you can a whale get it put on ice
Now we have the knowledge to make it not happen twice
But the people that day would say it came at way too high a price
No one who was there that day will ever get it out of their mind
No one will ever know what was left behind
If this had happened across the sea
The people who got splashed could claim PTSD
Retire on disability
And get their drugs delivered for free!
(Chorus)
|
|
10. |
|
|
|
|
UNDERGROUND BUNKUM
My name is Gregorstan Wolforfox
I still have all of my options
My identity became a mystery
When I was put up for adoption
I grew up in a strange land
With no supervision
Then I came here
Fired up with ambition
I made the girls scream
For whatever reason
That made me a big star
For at least one season
Now the money is spent
I don’t know where it went
I need to rise from the ashes
And hit on girls who are having hot flashes
And if that’s not bad enough
My voice has become a bit gruff
I keep telling my story
Nothing to retract
You all need to hear it
Even if it doesn’t always mesh with the facts
I am Gregorstan Wolforfox
And I hope you enjoyed my act
|
released September 11, 2023
